Beast

Beast has sold! A very appreciative and kind individual flew in from out of state and drove him away to a new home. Like a proud parent, I stood in the driveway and watched until he rounded the corner and was out of sight. I had some sadness to let him go, but am confident the new owner will care for him. I know Beast will make him smile.....

2015 BMW X5 50i Xdrive

I stumbled upon Beast in my months of searching for the perfect 2014-2015Jeep Grand Cherokee SRT prior to my move from Texas to Minnesota. I wanted a 4 wheel drive SUV to tow Red Rocket and get me through the snow and ice of northern winters, but I had a need. A need for...power. (You thought I was going to say something else, didn't you) So the  Jeep's advertised 475 horsepower 470 ft lb of torque supplied both the need for power, the capability of a tow rig, and the 4 wheel drive winter machine. 

The Jeep Grand Cherokee SRT is what I call one of my "hero cars". It falls into the category of cars I admire and would love to own, for whatever reason. Like a black 1979 Porsche 911 turbo, or a mid-80's Jeep Grand Wagoneer with woodgrain sides, or a DeTomaso Pantera. My list goes on.... 

The original 2006 Jeep Grand Cherokee SRT8 was one of the first of its kind - a hugely overpowered SUV which existed for no real reason other than an answer to the question "what if?". The Jeep Grand Cherokee SRT was a no-brainer when I started shopping around, but, after months of research and dreaming, my wife threw an unwelcome wrench into the mix when she suggested I also look at the X5. "BMW?", I thought contemptuously. I mean, can they even tow anything? I think some Bimmers are great, and there are a couple on my "hero" list, but truthfully they seemed to me to be a little pretentious. People with money buy them new, then lose 50% of their value immediately thereafter. Used, they are money pits. All true, right? Well, maybe it's the owners I was thinking were pretentious. A car can't really be one way or the other. Being a curious car-guy, I curiously looked and found a possible BMW contender to my hero Jeep. 

The X5M. It's crazy 567 hp and 553lb ft torque sounded like a great idea! Whoops, way too expensive. Hmm, what about it's little brother the X5 50i? It was down a few horsepower to the Jeep, but where the Grand Cherokee SRT had a big stump pulling 6.4 litre V8 to get the job done, the 50i used two turbos to breathe power into 4.4 litres of smooth V8 goodness. (445 horsepower with 480 ft lb of torque for the Bimmer, and 475 hp and 470 ft lb of torque in the Jeep) The 0-60 and 1/4 mile performance numbers were almost identical, and when I started cross-shopping I was surprised to find the Jeep and BMW cost about the same year to year, mile to mile. (At least the range in which I was shopping.)

My wife and I scheduled a test drive in a BMW our local dealer had for sale. I tried to act unpretentious as I got behind the wheel - and noticed right away how nice everything felt. Dang. The leather steering wheel, seats, and dash just oozed quality. I felt immediately pampered, to tell the truth. The knobs and buttons all had a satisfying heft and click to them, and the million-way adjustable seats were supportive and comfortable. I finally got over drooling and pressed the Start button to fire the engine. It let out a satisfying muffled bark, then growled a deep bass note at high idle before settling in to a low rumble. Niiice. I smiled and snicked the shift lever down to drive, and let me tell you, this thing just wants to go fast. All.the.time. (Sometimes I tell Beast to settle down, the grin on my face giving away how fun it was riding the nearly endless tidal wave of power.) From 60 to 120 is as addicting as from 0 to 60. (the latter which happens in a little over 4 seconds) The gears are short down low, and it holds the higher gears almost to red-line at full throttle, pulling hard through triple digit speeds all the way to the police impound. The X5 begs to be cruised at high speed. I so badly want to see what it's top end feels like. This car was made for the Autobahn. At 120 it is like silk on skin, smooth and effortless.

(I do realize I'm gushing like a schoolgirl with a crush.)

The next day I test drove my Hero for the first time. *sigh* I LOVE the way the Jeep SRT looks. So classic and classy. I opened the door and slipped behind the wheel, right away sensing a difference. Everything I touched, saw, and even smelled was so much...cheaper feeling than the BMW. I really should have expected it, but I didn't, so it hit me like biting into a piece of chocolate and discovering toothpaste in the middle.  I soldiered on (this is one of my hero cars after all) and pressed the red Start button to fire the engine. WHUMP RumbleRumbleRumble. Oooh, I like THAT. This is a good engine sound. The sense of lesser quality faded away as I shifted into gear and set off. It lacked a sense of immediacy at part throttle, but once you open the taps the hounds of hell break loose. With a howl and a grin it kicks down a couple gears and eats, the hood rising before you as it squats and burns large quantities of fuel on its way to a 4.4 second 0-60 time. Now I'm smiling, rather I'm grinning foolishly, and my hero is  redeemed. So he has his faults, who doesn't? But this is a good car. 

I left that drive knowing I would buy the BMW, but also knowing I would someday own an SRT - just not right now. The Bimmer is just that much better. Now, I know you will spend more money over the life of the X5 than the Grand Cherokee, and it will probably lose more of it's value over time, but the X5 50i is  a snake in the grass and will surprise a lot of people with how brutally quick it is. Are there faster cars? Of course. There always are. But for 5,500 lb SUV's, both of these are a great value for the person who loves power.

That's me.

I'll probably sell Beast sometime this year to free up  cash for buying and selling more cars, but it will be a parting of sorrow and fond memories. Beast is his name, and it fits.